2. - WHAT'S IN A NAME?

And so to the plane - and I edge into the cabin, wondering if I will experience the 'chair slammer' of years gone past. What morsel of annoyance can the good lord have bestowed upon me this year (Sounding a bit preachy at the moment - I'll stop that)...

And here she is. I arrive at my seat - 33B and reach up to secure my bag... my eyes dropping to see who my partner for the next 9 hours will be... and there she is - small, slender, middle aged... and dutifully picking the gunk from her toe-nails over my side of the floor.

I stand and stare as she gouges all manner of dead skin and grit from beneath those yellow curlers and wonder aloud if she might like to stop doing that... She moves aside and I slink into my seat... my feet an inch from the floor.

Surely the flight will go according to plan, but as i reach for my entertainment book to get my 'game-head' on for the movie marathon I have in store - something strikes me. In the centre of the aisles is a large screen... you know - like the ones you got ten years ago BEFORE THEY HAD ANY MEDIA SYSTEMS!!!!

Yes - I am on a plane that has no media system... just one screen - dead centre for 50 craning eyes to look at over the heads of others. I reach and grapple beneath my seat as I pull at anything that might resemble a home entertainment systems but all I get is a life jacket and those toe nail clippings...

For anyone that knows me - this is akin to putting an alcoholic at an outdoor concert for thousands and placing an open bottle of vodka in the middle... I'm fucked.

The price of getting the cheapest flight on the net - I settle back and dream of the day that a studio will be paying for a business class seat that offers free cashews instead of toe jam...

I sit back and a man across the way catches my eye - a man that, for a minute looks just like my accountant 'Wee Chan' - I get excited as I realise I might be able to swap seats... but it's not him and I am still fucked.

So I watch the designated program on screen - I get a good hour and a half of 'Rain' in concert - Korea's answer to Justin Timberlake. (I am flying Korean airlines after all). Not only is 'Rain' the answer to Justin Timberlake - he could actually be sued for copyright infringement. He moves, sounds, acts exactly like JT - in fact, as I watch the extravaganza of choreographed robotics and pyrotechnics as 'Rain' sings of 'poppin the hood' - I chuckle as - come the end of the track... and I am sure you didn't see this coming... it rains on 'Rain'.

Yes - his signature trick is that, as his finale comes to a crescendo, 'Rain' gets rained upon as water cascades from above the stage over him. It's at this point that I am glad my good friend 'Wee' is not a pop star...